A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
You took a bar mat shot.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
