You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
