Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
