the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
