how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
