So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
