I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
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