Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
