Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
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your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
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The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
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