To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
