two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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