I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
