as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
