wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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