you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
