I'm really into asian looking animals
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
