9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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