I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
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