We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
this just has baby written all over it
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
