can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
