The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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