i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
