How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
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