We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
