ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
