I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
