and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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