The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
