nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
