your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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