I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
