You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
