Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
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