between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Randomize
