A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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