Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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