I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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