So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
