You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
