you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
