Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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