I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
