My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
