how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Brb crying the tears of my youth
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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