I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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