Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
