I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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