I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
