When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
