Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
