i may or may not be watching the land before time
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
