i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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