Only a mothe r could love this liver
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Drunk is not a location!
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
