C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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