Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
