He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
not ubering you a puppy
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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