Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
