I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
