I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
