I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Text me some of your sweat
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
