is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Randomize
