Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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