I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
