theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize