Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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