thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
