my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
