i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
