I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
