How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
