Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
