Michael Bay diarrhea
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
You're like the curious george of whores
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
