I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Betty ford says i'm here all night
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Randomize
