my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
